Things not to say… during sex

  1. Oops
  2. *suprised* Oh.
  3. What the…
  4. Awww
  5. I have to poop
  6. Smile for the Camera
  7. Get off, I’ll do it myself
  8. You’re almost as good as my ex
  9. When is this supposed to feel good?
  10. BAA!
  11. Where’s the key for the handcuffs? (not always bad however)
  12. On second thought, lets turn the light off
  13. But everyone looks funny naked
  14. Do I have to pay?
  15. Do you take VISA? (bonus points if you’ve picked up your wallet at this point)
  16. What’s your name?
  17. Hold on, let me change channel
  18. I think the condom broke like 10 minutes ago
  19. What condom?
  20. I hope you don’t expect a raise for this
  21. Hurry up, the game’s about to start
  22. Is that smell coming from you?
  23. You’re so much like your sister
  24. Can we order a pizza?
  25. But you just started!
  26. Is it in yet?
  27. Did I tell you my Aunt Betty died in this bed?
  28. Your best friend does this much better
  29. Stop moaning, you sound stupid
  30. I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening
  31. Did I forget to tell you I got worms from my cat?
  32. Don’t make that face at me
  33. I hope you’re as good looking when I’m sober
  34. Your mother’s hot. Can you fix us up?
  35. Just use your finger, it’s bigger
  36. Can you hold this sandwich for me?
  37. You woke me up for that?
  38. We’ll try again later when you can satisfy me, too
  39. If you can’t do it, I’ll find someone else who can
  40. And to think, I didn’t even have to buy you dinner
  41. I haven’t had this much sex since I was a hooker
  42. Want to see me take out my glass eye?
  43. Is it O.K. if I tell my friends about this?
  44. Hurry up, I’m late for a date
  45. I’m out of ammo!
  46. That’s never happened before (for best effect use immediately after the previous)
  47. Bird in each hand and one in the bush
  48. Quick! Help my open this lift door with my penis!

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